Thyme After Time: Messing With a Legend and a Grilled Wasabi Gyro

"Doctor, Please help me!!! I can't go on like this anymore. I can't eat. I can't sleep. My life is a living hell."
"OK, son, we'll see what we can do. Have a seat and tell me when this all began."
"Well, Doctor, it all started right after I was flying back from Nepal. I had joined an expedition with some Japanese researchers to find Yeti. We found a few footprints in the snow that were cast but we didn't actually see a Yeti. One of the researchers claimed he saw him on a regular basis but the rest of us never did."
"OK, so how did these problems start?"
"It was on the plane on the way to the US. I had my phone turned off but I kept getting text messages. The stewardess almost landed the plane because of it."
   "And what did these text messages say?"
" 'Are we there? -Yeti!'
It continued until she confiscated my phone."
    "Really? Did you think these texts were actually coming from a yeti?"
"At first, no, but then other things began to happen."
   "Such as.."
"I couldn't take showers anymore. Yeti would flush the toilet every time I was under the water. He replaced the shampoo with olive oil."
"And how did you know Yeti did this?"
"He would sign the mirror and his wet footprints in the bathroom of course."
    "You mentioned having problems sleeping. Why?"
"Well, there was the smell. It was unbearable."
    "Where was the smell coming from?"
"You're probably not going to believe me but Yeti put his dirty socks inside my pillow case, I later discovered. I swear I could hear him giggling."
    "So, Yeti wears socks? Do all abominable snowmen wear socks?"
"I don't know! I just know they were huge and smelly and they weren't mine!."
    "Calm down, now. What else happened?"

"Well, he would sneak up behind my desk chair at work and kick the back of it. I looked like I was having a seizure. Everyone in the office just stared. I couldn't reasonably tell them it was Yeti."
    "Yes, I see how that may have been difficult for you."
"Doctor, you believe me, don't you?"
    "Of course, son. A Yeti following one home from an expedition in Nepal is very commonplace. You'd be surprised how many Yeti follow people home and play practical jokes on them."
"Really, Doctor?"
   "Really. Go on, what else?"
"The worst part was not being able to eat. Yeti got a hold of a bottle of wasabi powder. Every time I turned my back, he put it in my food. I had wasabi morning coffee, wasabi baked potato, wasabi salads. I even made homemade gyros one night and he put it in the cucumber sauce. Doctor I am at my wits end. What do I do?"
    "Wait. Go back...did you say a homemade gyro?"
"Yes, why?"
    "Son, I'm sorry to say, I don't believe you. No one makes a homemade gyro....and wasabi cucumber sauce? That's just over the top."
"Well, I have to admit that it was really good."
    "I'm going to have to ask you to prove this; a homemade gyro, eh? Really, that is far fetched. I think until you can come up with some evidence, a recipe perhaps, there's no need for us to go on. It just would be unethical to let you make things like this up."
"But, Doctor..."
    "Work on telling the truth, son. We'll see you next week, same time."
"Ok, Doc, since you insist... But about Yeti..."
    "Yes?"
"I think he put glue on your seat."

Gyro Meat

Based on Alton Brown's Gyro Recipe

1 lb Ground Lamb

1 lb Ground Chuck

1 tsp Dried Majoram

1 Tbsp Fresh Rosemary, Finely minced

2 Garlic Cloves

2 tsp Kosher Salt

1 tsp Freshly Ground Black Pepper

1/2 Cup Chopped Onion

Special Equipment: Food Processor

Grill

Place onion and garlic in processor. Pulse.

Add lamb, beef and the rest of the seasonings in a couple stages and pulse until you have a thick meat paste.

Make sure you, open it, scrapes the sides down, and redistribute the meat once or twice to make sure it's all mixed thoroughly.

You can form into a loaf and place onto a rotisserie on your grill or if you have no patience (like me) or are limited on time (like me) form into small patties and cook over an open flame.
They will shrink down significantly. Don't leave them on the grill too long or they will dry out. A couple minutes on each side is fine (until they just begin to firm).

This is what they look like when they come off of the grill. It might be fun to try them on skewers too. I think the flat metal ones might work better than the round wooden ones, but so far that's an untested theory.

The Cucumber Sauce

3/4 Cup Yogurt

1 Cup Sour Cream

2 Garlic Cloves, minced

1 small Cucumber or 1/2 of a large Cucumber, deseeded and diced

1Tbsp Fresh Mint, finely chopped

1 Tbsp Lemon Juice

2 tsp Honey

1 tsp Kosher Salt (or to taste)

1 Tbs Wasabi Powder (or to taste)

In a blender or food processor, mix together garlic, mint, yogurt, sour cream, lemon juice, honey and half of the cucumber.

Then, mix in the rest of the chopped cucumber (for texture) and half of the salt and half of the wasabi powder. Stir and taste. Add additional powder and salt if needed.