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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Raiders of the Lost Meatloaf Recipe

***Any resemblance the following post has to any characters, either real or fictional, specifically those created by Steven Spielberg, is purely coincidental and should be ignored by everybody; especially copy write lawyers and Hollywood.**

And so it was rumored...an original manuscript...the one that all of the copies in existence today originated from, The Holy Grail of Meatloaf Recipes.


Could the rumors be true? Could this original recipe actually exist? I had to find out. I had to embark on a journey that would take me on an excursion to another city. It wouldn't be easy. The natives have been know to be aggressive and irritable at times. I would have to remain undetected. If I was caught, I could only imagine the horrors and the tortures the natives would inflict upon me.
The journey to this ancient dwelling would also be fraught with peril. The roads leading to it are filled with distracted drivers on their cell phones, vehicles darting out of control and the ever present beings, hiding under bridges, waiting for victims, draining them of their money or worse, yet, taking them as prisoners.
Without reservation, I decided to brave these elements. I would take on this challenge. I would go where no one has gone before...my parents basement.
I set out on my journey in the early twilight hours. The chances of running into the natives at dawn were slim. I reached the dwelling just as the first rays of light were appearing on the horizon. I quietly made my way inside and found the tunnel that led deep down, into the earth. The air was still and damp. Droplets of water falling to the ground broke the almost blaring silence. I made my way past ancient relics, most of whose origins lay cloaked in mystery. There, in the distance, in the darkest recesses of the cave (or basement) was a chest. I could barely make it out in the dimly lit room. I held my breath...this was the chest which contained the ancient manuscript, written by hand by a most honored matriarch of none which can compare. A strange light peeked out from the seams, where the box wasn't quite sealed. It was calling to me.







As I slowly lifted the lid, I could hear a warning cry from what I could only imagine to be a wolf or perhaps a beagle in the distance. My time was running out. I had to grab the manuscript and go. Dust over head began to fall and the ceiling began creaking...the stone walls began to tremble and as I lifted the ancient writing, placing it in my satchel, a stone fell from above crushing the chest and everything left in it.


I had to run. The stone rolled off of the chest and barreled straight towards me....Oh darn, where was the entrance? I ran breathlessly toward the only light I could see. Something grabbed my leg as I felt my body plummeting toward the earth. My knee broke most of the fall but the fall took it's toll on my knee. I stumbled, half crawling and limping just darting out of the way as the stone rolled by, crashing into the washing machine.
I could hear a voice in the distance..."Emily, is that you? What are you doing down there?"
I gasped, horrified. The natives knew my name. My only thoughts now were of escape. They already knew who I was and my life, my very existence, was hinged upon me mustering everything I had and leaving this city. I needed to make it back to my secret hideaway faster than I ever had before.
They unleashed the wolves (although one had a remarkable resemblance to a beagle) as their angry tails whipped back and forth. One of the tails sliced through my leg as I ran by. The wolf dog happily lapped up my wounded skin. Could these be vampire dogs?
"Emily, do you have any idea what time it is? What the hell are you doing?"
I've angered the natives. I could see in my minds eyes, the preparations they had gone through to protect themselves from invaders; the gathering of branches, peeling off the bark and using their ancient tools to shape arrowheads and one by one, lacing each one with poison. With my injured leg, I could only hope to be quick enough to escape.

I then, with every fiber of my being , ran as fast as I could. I made it to my car and drove to the nearest grocery store. I picked up the few ingredients I needed and went home. The original recipe would finally be served for dinner. No one had tasted this meatloaf for many, many years. I could not keep this to myself, and so now, I am here to set the recipe free for mankind to enjoy at will……
Grandma’s Meatloaf
Ingredients
1 ½ lbs meatloaf mix
½ c fresh breadcrumbs
1 onion, finely chopped
1 egg. beaten
1 ½ tsp salt
¼ tsp pepper
2 8oz cans Hunts tomato sauce
½ c water
3 tbs vinegar
3 tbs brown sugar
2 tbs yellow mustard
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
Grill the onion til lightly browned.
Mix together ground meat, bread crumbs, onion, beaten egg, salt, pepper and ½ can tomato sauce.
Place in pan and form into a loaf.
Combine the rest of the tomato sauce with the remaining ingredients.
Pour over the loaf.
Bake at 350 for 1 hour and 15 minutes.
Baste occasionally.
The End
or is it?
 
 
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